Toxic Positivity and Gaslighting? Really, What is That?

Let's start first with toxic positivity…seems like an oxymoron? 

How can being positive possibly be a bad thing?  Perhaps there can be too much of anything GOOD or BAD.  Perhaps being positive has to a point a moment of negativity.   Where does the term toxic positivity come from?  Is this a word that has existed and has surfaced since the pandemic?  Perhaps as with the pandemic, wounds surface and the microscope has uncovered the band aids that we use for comfort.  Positivity to a point where it becomes toxic is one of those aids.

Toxic positivity is a form of communication that can be harmful as it can cause shame, feelings of guilt, and the prevention of human emotional growth.

We all need reassurances in our lives, but it makes sense that too much can undermine how someone is really feeling at the moment.  It is perfectly okay and natural to be SAD, FRUSTRATED UPSET and ANGRY at times.  Feelings, all of them, are valid.  We shouldn't dismiss them when they show up, We want them to immediately go away, but the truth is they are present at the time for a reason.  There is validity in that!  So let’s recognize it for what it is……AND then it becomes easier to navigate past it.  

I love the phrases presented as they help with rephrasing how we show up for someone needing some positive reinforcement. I appreciate that we can be there fully in the feeling on the table and the desired feeling of resolution.

Therefore, it is necessary to say. Hey, I completely understand your being (sad, angry, fill in the blank).  I would be as well, and I know this is waying on you.  I am here to help you get to the other side.  AND THERE IS ANOTHER side.  It does get better, but we know in the midst of the rain, we don’t see the sun.

 

Toxic positivity has been on used interchangeably with another term: gaslighting. 

While this term might be more associated with abusive relationships, it can be a form of toxic positivity on steroids if that makes sense.   Gaslighting has a clear intent to undermine the persons perception of reality completely, not just in a particular situation.  It causes one to question their own judgment and how they navigate life entirely.

Understandly as the pandemic is something we want to get past, we can’t help but latch onto the belief that all will be fine and with that  we want others to go along with us.  We want folks to GET OVER IT so we pull them in!  HOW? By saying…….Hey It could be worse!  Well at least you have a job…etc.

Now that we have dissect both terms we can assess more knowledgeably how and when to use them. Where do these terms or concepts show up for us in our lives and how we interact with one another? 

We are our all our own universe.  When anything enters our universe, we immediately gauge what to do with it.

In Buddhism- we refer to suffering.  We study and live in the realization that life is suffering.

The Four Noble Truths comprise the essence of Buddha's teachings, though they leave much left unexplained. They are the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering.

Now, don’t panic and do not fear, this is not meant to be at all disheartening.  This is about accepting reality.  Buddhism is very factual while allowing us to choose to live in a space of content. In our practice we are optimistic.  We refer to positivity as a direction to which to move your life forward.  We are not at all denying the unfortunate circumstances that show up for us.  We recognize suffering, such as sadness, anger, grief or hurt as elements in our lives.  What is important is to move that needle towards the happiness meter EVERY single day…one moment at a time.

Is there such a thing as unconditional happiness?  Not at all!  As in life, happiness is journey, not a destination.  We should be continuously working towards it.  Even a day after the loss of a loved one, while we acknowledge the suffering, but it is important to note that a step towards the sun preserves our sustainability. 

As the five remembrances ……

I am happy the two terms came up into my space, particularly as they remind me of who I am and where I should be in my mindset.  My positive mindset.

I know now that I should choose my words carefully when in conversation someone.  Am I bringing to the table toxic positivity or any form of gaslighting?  Am I undermining what someone is going thru?  I also learned that I should be intentional with my own navigation thru life.  Am I subscribing my internal thinking to TP or gaslighting?  There is self-care lesson in everything.

You have 24 hours each day. Ensure that you’re using them wisely!

Leslie Crudup is Owner of LCrudup Coaching and loves keeping busy if it helps people with their dreams!

www.lcrudupcoaching.com

#busyleslie #beaxtraordinary #beabrilliant